A best man in a wedding tends to have numerous responsibilities, including being in charge of the bachelor party and giving a speech at the reception.
In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, one best man explained that he wasn’t sure whether or not to follow a request that the bride had given him regarding his recent haircut.
“I’m looking forward to it, have prepared a speech and am keen to attend even though it is several thousand miles away,” he clarified about the upcoming wedding.
“I recently had a haircut in a mullet style and posted this on Instagram. It’s something I’d been wanting to do for a while and I’m quite a fan of how it’s turned out,” the Reddit post continued.
Despite being a fan of his own haircut, it turned out that the bride wasn’t. She ended up messaging him on Instagram to let him know that he should “make sure” that particular hairstyle is “gone for the wedding”.
“No niceties to the message or other context. Just a message out of the blue saying I should not have this haircut at the wedding,” the best man wrote on Reddit.
The post continued: “I’m quite a fan of this hairstyle and want to keep it. I’m aware it’s her wedding but it’s my hair. I’m of the belief that you can’t demand how people are to present themselves at a wedding.”
He ended his post asking if the bride was going to ask all of her guests for headshots of themselves for her to approve before the wedding.
Many people took to the comments after the post went up to defend the best man, saying that he can do whatever he wants with his own hair. But they also pointed out that dress codes are common in weddings and his hair could fit under that.
“If you want an ugly haircut no one is stopping you – but be prepared to be dropped as best man. You can demand how people present at a wedding – particularly when those people are in the wedding party – you expect that as the bride you are the only one in a white dress,” one comment began.
“You expect people to dress up and not roll up in shorts and flip flops (unless that is the theme of the wedding). Bridesmaids wear what the bride picked out, groomsmen wear the suit they are asked to – it’s all part of the theatre. Mullets scream ‘low rent’. I wouldn’t want that in my photos either.”
Another commenter agreed, writing: “You do have a right to your haircut but she also has a right to have her wedding the way she wants it. You do need to be up front and tell the groom that you don’t plan on cutting it and understand if that means you can’t be in the wedding. If you don’t do that then you are the a**hole.”
Other commenters said that this should be a matter that gets discussed with the groom and not the bride, because, despite being in the wedding party, he is on the groom’s side and not hers.
“Don’t engage, don’t answer her directly,” one comment began. “Forward her message to the groom, tell him you won’t change your hairstyle. Ask him if he wants YOU to tell her, or if he wants to handle it. You are HIS best man, not hers.”